2/22/2010
This past week I again have been the recipient of many blessings. I am constantly amazed at the loving kindness of our Heavenly Father. Last Sunday I had a long talk on the phone with a dear friend of mine. She is going through a painful divorce. She had called to cheer me up and I in turn tried to comfort her. As a single mother with 4 children, 2 jobs and going to school she has a full plate. Now she is getting kicked out of her home because her ex has not kept his word. I thought that there are worse things than death. My situation seems far less scary than what she faces. I have so many people praying for me from around this country that I told her that she can cry on my shoulder. My family & I are being supported by those prayers and I feel like I have strength to spare for someone who is hurting.
I have been able to enjoy some walks that were cold even if the sun was shining. After such a dreary winter being outside in the sun certainly warms the soul. On Wednesday I had the strength to have a good swimming session. I even saw a friend from work and commented on how I was ready to move on now that I was stronger. That evening I went to share the gospel with some neighbors. The Spirit was there in abundance and life was good.
There are times that His loving kindness may involve one in learning experiences. One may even have to eat some humble pie. Having eaten humble pie many times, I have learned that it may be bitter going down, but that the aftertaste can be sweet. Now that I have been blessed with more energy I am able to spend time trying to learn more about cancer and the options that I have available to me. As I mentioned last week I was prepared to enter phase 3 of my battle with cancer. I felt that the time had come to no longer receive chemo and to follow "A Cancer Battle Plan".
Thursday I rode the 'Cancer Van' to Salt Lake to go through my scans. I felt confident that the tumors had shrunk significantly. I knew that I was still dealing with cancer as I often felt pain in my liver. I still ran out of energy & "hit the wall", but I was confident. I did have some trouble with the PET scan. To prepare for the PET one goes fasting for at least 6 hours. An hour before the scan radioactive glucose is injected. Cancer cells love sugar and suck up the glucose. During that time l had to sit quietly so that my muscles didn't absorb the glucose.
It was during this quiet time that I started feeling significant pain in the center of my chest. The doctor came and determined that I was having an esophageal spasm and not heart problems. The scan takes an hour while I lay very still. During that time my legs started to spasm and I started to feel claustrophobic. I prayed and was calmed. The tech remarked on how much healthier I looked than when I had my first scan in October. I had a CT scan right after that which involves drink a contrast milkshake. Usually I get sick and constipated but this time all went fine.
Friday I was pumped and ready for battle or so I thought. Jo, my sister, and I met with my medical team. All did not go as I had planned. I had a book but not an individual battle plan with support troops. I figured that the Lord would provide. I supposed that since I was following Him that I would receive all the necessary helps at the appropriate times. I did but not in the way I had expected. I forgot that things happen on His timetable and not mine.
First for the good news. The doctor told me that my tumors had shrunk another 25% with no new growths. He felt that this was all due to the chemo. He did feel that the Essiac tea was helping me deal with the toxicity of the chemicals. He said that 20% of patients will have shrinkage. I remember from my last visit that the nurse mentioned that the shrinkage was usually in the 5-10% range. I strongly feel that the tea is doing more good than what he thinks. He admits that as far as he knows that it hasn't been scientifically studied and he is not very knowledgeable about essiac tea. He also mentioned that while I am on chemo that I have to be very careful about what "super foods" I consume as they may interact with the chemo and kill me. Specifically he mentioned Noni juice and mangosteen. He felt that the best that I could hope for was to have cancer as a chronic condition with continuing infusions and shots for the rest of my life. My life would be in a kind of a standoff. Since my reactions to the chemo weren’t too bad that wasn't a bad outcome.
Now for the bad news. I was elated with the results of the scans. I was not prepared for my wife's reaction. She seemed to feel "if it ain’t broken why fix it." I feel strongly that since this disease affects Jo, as well as me, that any changes would always be agreed upon by both of us. My entire family and most of my closest friends felt the same way. To be honest I was devastated.
The next 24 hours were tough. Emotionally and physically I was shot. I prayed and tried to understand what had happened. I was led to understand that it was my timetable that was upset and not His. I was going through the grieving process. I felt like I had a death sentence imposed upon me. I can't explain it. I suppose that it's a side affect of cancer.
So for now I will continue on with the infusions. I will continue to learn and to prepare. Saturday I received a call from a lady who is a pancreatic cancer survivor. She may be able to teach me how to be a survivor also. I am wondering if she might be part of my support troop that I mentioned earlier. Might she be the ‘coach’ that I need to ‘lead me to victory’?
Most of the changes in lifestyle, supplements and foods that I feel that I will need to make to beat this cancer I can do while I continue on with the infusions. On the bright side there will be smaller tumors for my body to destroy and no new tumors getting started. I hope that is part of the plan and if it isn't then it will all work out for the best because it will all happen according to God's plan. After all we are all under a death sentence and isn't that why He sent us His Son!
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
The Lord continues to watch over me
2/17/2010
I wish to share with my readers some thoughts and evidences of how God continues to bless me. On Friday, 2/12/2010, Joanne & I were headed to Salt Lake City for my chemo appointment. For once we had left early enough that we didn't need to rush. In the small town of Roosevelt the highway widens to 4 lanes. Traffic was very heavy in both directions with the lanes filled with vehicles. Jo had chosen to be in the outside lane as we approached the last stop light. For some unknown reason the driver of a beefed up pickup next to us in the inside lane decided that his pickup needed to occupy the same space as Jo's Camery. Being as he was on his cell phone I'm sure that all of his limited intelligence was focused on his driving. None the less he didn't respond to Jo's continued horn honking.
Jo had 2 options as one might expect. The option of letting him run over us didn't appeal to her so she went to the right to let the beast have his way. Our right front tire did not care for that option as it was destroyed when it hit the curb. We were able to drive to the parking lot on the other side of the curb to change the tire.
Now for the blessings. 1) Neither our car or us were hurt. 2) If this had happened further down the road we would have had a barrow pit to escape to which could have resulted in a roll over. 3) I had a nice safe level location to change the tire in. 4) The spare tire had some air in it. 5) I had the strength and tools to change the tire. 6) I didn't feel confident about how the lugs fitted the spare and wanted to get a tire to put onto the undamaged wheel. 2 blocks away was a tire store that honored the warranty on the damaged tire. In an hour we were on our way. 6) We were able to complete my last infusion before the nurses shift ended. 7) Jo didn't receive a ticket when she flew by the Highway patrolman going the other direction. Everything worked out just fine.
This is just an example of how the Lord watches out for us, even in small things.
As I mentioned this was my last infusion for now. Unless the spirit dictates otherwise I will follow another course starting next week. The doctors have told me that the chemo would only work for a while then something else would have to be done. They also agreed that we would have to find a way for my body to beat my cancer if I were to live.
Many people during the past 2 weeks have commented on how much my color has improved. I never noticed myself, but it must be significant as even a teenage boy mentioned it. I know that I am gaining weight now and feeling stronger. I am even having trouble sleeping. In the past I may not have slept due to pain, but now it seems to be due to too much energy or getting my mind to shut up.
There may be some who may question my sanity. They may be right. Even though I have had little trouble with the chemo compared to many others, it is still a poison and one more Challenge that my body has to overcome. For instance I must take twice as much Essiac Tea as normally needed to compensate for the poison and its affects on my body. I am totally convinced that the Good Lord has given His children the tools/foods/herbs/etc. to prevent disease and to heal illnesses if we will only seek them out. And like the lepers from the bible we need to give Him thanks for them and His loving kindness. Like Him we then share what we know with the sick and the afflicted. I know this is the within the circle of life.
To finish my blog I would like to share a letter that I received from a new friend that I made in Mexico and my recent reply to her.
Hi Gordon
I don't understand why the doctors would not want you to take something like the Jus ( A proprietary mixture of 23 high anti-oxidant juices) while you are going through the treatments- people here that we know are taking around 3 oz/day during treatments (1 oz. morning, noon, and night), and doing well, claiming that it is helping to lower their counts, and giving them more energy. I read through the pamphlet that you gave me about the essiac tea (we even met someone else in Cabo that has heard about it, and said it was very good), but from what I could tell, it seems to be more for detoxification, so I would think that your body would need something that would help build it back up, and restore cells to health during all the treatments you are going through. My father juiced extensively, and ate "live" (unprocessed) foods even though the doctor had told him to eat a "bland" diet (oatmeal, toast, etc.), and he felt and looked great throughout his chemo treatments. My mom had discovered a book called, "A Cancer Battle Plan" that really encouraged them, and presented ways the author found success in fighting cancer that was rampant throughout her body. (It involved intense detoxification, and rebuilding through juicing, vitamins, and other things). If you are interested, email me your home address, and I would be happy to have a copy sent to you. All I know is what I saw my dad go through, and what others have told me that seemed to work for them.
Keep trusting, Gordon! Don't ever give up, and try to keep hopeful, and as positive an attitude as possible (easy for me to say!). My folks also read the "Chicken Soup for the Soul with Cancer" book, and it really helped encourage them as well. I have also heard of people that kept a journal during their cancer ordeal, and how their words have ministered to family members and others that are in the same situation. I know that God will continue to use you in every person's life that He brings your way, as He has in ours! I hope that we can stay in touch, as we would love to follow your journey, and of course, we will continue to pray and trust God for your healing.
Did you say that your family was going on another vacation soon? I hope you will be feeling much better by then!
Blessings to you and your family,
Lori
Thanks so much for the email- so sorry to hear that you are not feeling well since returning from Mexico. Meeting you and your family there really blessed our hearts, and we have been holding you all up in our prayers ever since. I can't even begin to imagine what your life has been like this past year, but will pray that our Heavenly Father will surround you all with His love and peace, and that He will remove the pain that you have been experiencing.
Dear Lori.
I just received the books today. I started reading "Cancer Battle Plan". I had a feeling come over me like the Holy Spirit was telling me that this book was an answer to my prayers. I had tears come to my eyes and a joy in my heart. I feel that what is contained therein will help lead me in my battle to overcome cancer.
My color and energy levels have been better & I have gained some weight. The pain, though not significant has been reminding me that I am still sick. The books have come at a time when my hope was starting to wain. Constant pain can do that. I feel like I am now at the point of starting phase 2 of this battle. I have been doing a lot of research into the nutritional side of my battle. There are so many products and ideas out there. I have no doubt but what I will be led to find the ones that are correct for me!
The title of your bible study book reminds me of a book that I read a while back, called, "Believing Christ". All too often many of us do not really believe what the scriptures tell us when it concerns our own selves. We seem to think that it applies to everyone else but not us. I am convinced more than ever that the Lord truly means what He says. I have seen too many evidences in my life these past 4 months to doubt.
I know that both of our families had to be in Cabo at the same time at the same time so that we could meet. IT WAS NO COINCIDENCE! Our Heavenly Father is definitely interested in each one of us as an individual. He will lead us in the paths that we should follow if we will only listen and follow. I know that He has spared me so far so that I can testify to others of His everlasting goodness, mercy and kindness.
Thanks so much for the books and your letters. I hope that you can feel in your heart how much I love and appreciate you for what you have done for a "stranger".
I am grateful for what I have learned from this cancer experience. Coming to know that Our Lord loves me as an individual and that He blesses me as a unique person is truly priceless. I hope that others will come to know that as well as we share our life's experiences on with another.
I wish to share with my readers some thoughts and evidences of how God continues to bless me. On Friday, 2/12/2010, Joanne & I were headed to Salt Lake City for my chemo appointment. For once we had left early enough that we didn't need to rush. In the small town of Roosevelt the highway widens to 4 lanes. Traffic was very heavy in both directions with the lanes filled with vehicles. Jo had chosen to be in the outside lane as we approached the last stop light. For some unknown reason the driver of a beefed up pickup next to us in the inside lane decided that his pickup needed to occupy the same space as Jo's Camery. Being as he was on his cell phone I'm sure that all of his limited intelligence was focused on his driving. None the less he didn't respond to Jo's continued horn honking.
Jo had 2 options as one might expect. The option of letting him run over us didn't appeal to her so she went to the right to let the beast have his way. Our right front tire did not care for that option as it was destroyed when it hit the curb. We were able to drive to the parking lot on the other side of the curb to change the tire.
Now for the blessings. 1) Neither our car or us were hurt. 2) If this had happened further down the road we would have had a barrow pit to escape to which could have resulted in a roll over. 3) I had a nice safe level location to change the tire in. 4) The spare tire had some air in it. 5) I had the strength and tools to change the tire. 6) I didn't feel confident about how the lugs fitted the spare and wanted to get a tire to put onto the undamaged wheel. 2 blocks away was a tire store that honored the warranty on the damaged tire. In an hour we were on our way. 6) We were able to complete my last infusion before the nurses shift ended. 7) Jo didn't receive a ticket when she flew by the Highway patrolman going the other direction. Everything worked out just fine.
This is just an example of how the Lord watches out for us, even in small things.
As I mentioned this was my last infusion for now. Unless the spirit dictates otherwise I will follow another course starting next week. The doctors have told me that the chemo would only work for a while then something else would have to be done. They also agreed that we would have to find a way for my body to beat my cancer if I were to live.
Many people during the past 2 weeks have commented on how much my color has improved. I never noticed myself, but it must be significant as even a teenage boy mentioned it. I know that I am gaining weight now and feeling stronger. I am even having trouble sleeping. In the past I may not have slept due to pain, but now it seems to be due to too much energy or getting my mind to shut up.
There may be some who may question my sanity. They may be right. Even though I have had little trouble with the chemo compared to many others, it is still a poison and one more Challenge that my body has to overcome. For instance I must take twice as much Essiac Tea as normally needed to compensate for the poison and its affects on my body. I am totally convinced that the Good Lord has given His children the tools/foods/herbs/etc. to prevent disease and to heal illnesses if we will only seek them out. And like the lepers from the bible we need to give Him thanks for them and His loving kindness. Like Him we then share what we know with the sick and the afflicted. I know this is the within the circle of life.
To finish my blog I would like to share a letter that I received from a new friend that I made in Mexico and my recent reply to her.
Hi Gordon
I don't understand why the doctors would not want you to take something like the Jus ( A proprietary mixture of 23 high anti-oxidant juices) while you are going through the treatments- people here that we know are taking around 3 oz/day during treatments (1 oz. morning, noon, and night), and doing well, claiming that it is helping to lower their counts, and giving them more energy. I read through the pamphlet that you gave me about the essiac tea (we even met someone else in Cabo that has heard about it, and said it was very good), but from what I could tell, it seems to be more for detoxification, so I would think that your body would need something that would help build it back up, and restore cells to health during all the treatments you are going through. My father juiced extensively, and ate "live" (unprocessed) foods even though the doctor had told him to eat a "bland" diet (oatmeal, toast, etc.), and he felt and looked great throughout his chemo treatments. My mom had discovered a book called, "A Cancer Battle Plan" that really encouraged them, and presented ways the author found success in fighting cancer that was rampant throughout her body. (It involved intense detoxification, and rebuilding through juicing, vitamins, and other things). If you are interested, email me your home address, and I would be happy to have a copy sent to you. All I know is what I saw my dad go through, and what others have told me that seemed to work for them.
Keep trusting, Gordon! Don't ever give up, and try to keep hopeful, and as positive an attitude as possible (easy for me to say!). My folks also read the "Chicken Soup for the Soul with Cancer" book, and it really helped encourage them as well. I have also heard of people that kept a journal during their cancer ordeal, and how their words have ministered to family members and others that are in the same situation. I know that God will continue to use you in every person's life that He brings your way, as He has in ours! I hope that we can stay in touch, as we would love to follow your journey, and of course, we will continue to pray and trust God for your healing.
Did you say that your family was going on another vacation soon? I hope you will be feeling much better by then!
Blessings to you and your family,
Lori
Thanks so much for the email- so sorry to hear that you are not feeling well since returning from Mexico. Meeting you and your family there really blessed our hearts, and we have been holding you all up in our prayers ever since. I can't even begin to imagine what your life has been like this past year, but will pray that our Heavenly Father will surround you all with His love and peace, and that He will remove the pain that you have been experiencing.
Dear Lori.
I just received the books today. I started reading "Cancer Battle Plan". I had a feeling come over me like the Holy Spirit was telling me that this book was an answer to my prayers. I had tears come to my eyes and a joy in my heart. I feel that what is contained therein will help lead me in my battle to overcome cancer.
My color and energy levels have been better & I have gained some weight. The pain, though not significant has been reminding me that I am still sick. The books have come at a time when my hope was starting to wain. Constant pain can do that. I feel like I am now at the point of starting phase 2 of this battle. I have been doing a lot of research into the nutritional side of my battle. There are so many products and ideas out there. I have no doubt but what I will be led to find the ones that are correct for me!
The title of your bible study book reminds me of a book that I read a while back, called, "Believing Christ". All too often many of us do not really believe what the scriptures tell us when it concerns our own selves. We seem to think that it applies to everyone else but not us. I am convinced more than ever that the Lord truly means what He says. I have seen too many evidences in my life these past 4 months to doubt.
I know that both of our families had to be in Cabo at the same time at the same time so that we could meet. IT WAS NO COINCIDENCE! Our Heavenly Father is definitely interested in each one of us as an individual. He will lead us in the paths that we should follow if we will only listen and follow. I know that He has spared me so far so that I can testify to others of His everlasting goodness, mercy and kindness.
Thanks so much for the books and your letters. I hope that you can feel in your heart how much I love and appreciate you for what you have done for a "stranger".
I am grateful for what I have learned from this cancer experience. Coming to know that Our Lord loves me as an individual and that He blesses me as a unique person is truly priceless. I hope that others will come to know that as well as we share our life's experiences on with another.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Life has it's ups and downs
I have been relearning that life indeed has it's ups and downs. Starting January 16th, Joanne, my youngest daughter Michelle, my mother & myself spent a week in Cabo, Mexico. It was so nice to be where the temperature was 80 instead of 8. The pain in my liver virtually disappeared. Following the doctors orders I swam or walked the beach at least half an hour daily. I felt so good that my hardest job was to rest and not to overdo things.
The hardest part of each day was deciding where to eat dinner. Even tacos with habenaro pepper sauce didn't slow me down. I could almost imagine life without cancer.
We chose not to spend a lot of time doing the tourist things. One of the main purposes of our trip was to destress. Mother, who is close to 80 had never been anywhere like Mexico. She just wanted to be out of the cold. She spent a lot of time reading. Jo & Michelle wanted to tan and get in shape while I tried to stay in the shade and relax. The chemo makes me more sensitive to the sun so I had to be careful. I probably looked funny in my wide hat, long sleeve shirt and swimming suit with glistening skin from the sun screen.
My most memorable experiences involved being on the same boat. We went on a dinner cruise around Lands End which is the southern most part of the Baja. A beautiful sunset on the Pacific Ocean awaited us. I was so grateful to God for being able to see. Two days later we were on a lunch cruise and watched a gray whale not a hundred feet from the boat. Later a pod of dolphins entertained us for a least 5 minutes. The Lord has blessed the earth with such amazing creatures.
Eventually experiences like these come to an end. We returned to reality and the cold. Like the cold the fatigue and the pain also returned. I am not sure why they returned with such a vengeance. I suspect that I probably pushed things too hard in spite of my best efforts not to. The mile high altitude, the cold and the dreary days probably all added to what happened next.
I was certainly reminded that I still have cancer. I believe that the Essiac Tea has helped me get to the point that I am at but my body still has much healing to go through. Mentally things became very tough. Although my faith in the Lord and in his plan for me remain unshaken it was hard not to be scared with the pain now constant and increasing. The bone tired weariness also had to be dealt with. Now that I was back in Vernal I had to deal with the stresses of life as well as facing more chemo treatments.
We are told to cast our burdens on the Lord. True to His word He has helped me with this one. Through priesthood blessings and the prayers and faith of others I have start feeling stronger. The pain and fatigue has decreased. I have been trying to continue my exercise through swimming. I have noticed that I am slowly increasing in my swimming pace.
I now know that I have to listen more closely to my body and do what it says. That may mean resting when I would rather be doing something else. I can also tell when I am eating the proper or the wrong types of foods. Negative emotions always are followed by an increase in pain. Conversely positive emotions help control the pain.
I have my last chemo for this set on 2/12/2010. The following week will be the scans and doctor visits. After that I don't know what I'll do. So far the treatments have probably helped slow or shrink the cancers. Eventually the treatments will stop working. That is why the doctors originally said that I probably had around 8 months to a year to live. To beat this disease I will need to find other solutions than those offered by medical science. I am anxious to try some other things. I cannot as long as I am on chemo due to the fact that I have a damaged liver as well as it can only detox or handle so much.
I do know that one of the reasons that I needed to continue with the chemo treatments was that I needed to interact with people in the infusion room. I have had several opportunities to share my faith in God and His loving kindness. I always try to let my new friends know that God is leading me in this trial.
I did have a great blessing this past Saturday. I was able to baptize my grandson Dallin into the LDS Church. The great big grin on his face after the baptism was one of the great rewards of my life. I had to rest for the next part of the day but it was worth it. On Sunday Dallin's father confirmed him and gave him the Gift of the Holy Ghost. During that blessing his father blessed Dallin to have the faith of his grandpa. I was moved to tears. What a special weekend. So indeed the past month has been one of great ups and downs.
The hardest part of each day was deciding where to eat dinner. Even tacos with habenaro pepper sauce didn't slow me down. I could almost imagine life without cancer.
We chose not to spend a lot of time doing the tourist things. One of the main purposes of our trip was to destress. Mother, who is close to 80 had never been anywhere like Mexico. She just wanted to be out of the cold. She spent a lot of time reading. Jo & Michelle wanted to tan and get in shape while I tried to stay in the shade and relax. The chemo makes me more sensitive to the sun so I had to be careful. I probably looked funny in my wide hat, long sleeve shirt and swimming suit with glistening skin from the sun screen.
My most memorable experiences involved being on the same boat. We went on a dinner cruise around Lands End which is the southern most part of the Baja. A beautiful sunset on the Pacific Ocean awaited us. I was so grateful to God for being able to see. Two days later we were on a lunch cruise and watched a gray whale not a hundred feet from the boat. Later a pod of dolphins entertained us for a least 5 minutes. The Lord has blessed the earth with such amazing creatures.
Eventually experiences like these come to an end. We returned to reality and the cold. Like the cold the fatigue and the pain also returned. I am not sure why they returned with such a vengeance. I suspect that I probably pushed things too hard in spite of my best efforts not to. The mile high altitude, the cold and the dreary days probably all added to what happened next.
I was certainly reminded that I still have cancer. I believe that the Essiac Tea has helped me get to the point that I am at but my body still has much healing to go through. Mentally things became very tough. Although my faith in the Lord and in his plan for me remain unshaken it was hard not to be scared with the pain now constant and increasing. The bone tired weariness also had to be dealt with. Now that I was back in Vernal I had to deal with the stresses of life as well as facing more chemo treatments.
We are told to cast our burdens on the Lord. True to His word He has helped me with this one. Through priesthood blessings and the prayers and faith of others I have start feeling stronger. The pain and fatigue has decreased. I have been trying to continue my exercise through swimming. I have noticed that I am slowly increasing in my swimming pace.
I now know that I have to listen more closely to my body and do what it says. That may mean resting when I would rather be doing something else. I can also tell when I am eating the proper or the wrong types of foods. Negative emotions always are followed by an increase in pain. Conversely positive emotions help control the pain.
I have my last chemo for this set on 2/12/2010. The following week will be the scans and doctor visits. After that I don't know what I'll do. So far the treatments have probably helped slow or shrink the cancers. Eventually the treatments will stop working. That is why the doctors originally said that I probably had around 8 months to a year to live. To beat this disease I will need to find other solutions than those offered by medical science. I am anxious to try some other things. I cannot as long as I am on chemo due to the fact that I have a damaged liver as well as it can only detox or handle so much.
I do know that one of the reasons that I needed to continue with the chemo treatments was that I needed to interact with people in the infusion room. I have had several opportunities to share my faith in God and His loving kindness. I always try to let my new friends know that God is leading me in this trial.
I did have a great blessing this past Saturday. I was able to baptize my grandson Dallin into the LDS Church. The great big grin on his face after the baptism was one of the great rewards of my life. I had to rest for the next part of the day but it was worth it. On Sunday Dallin's father confirmed him and gave him the Gift of the Holy Ghost. During that blessing his father blessed Dallin to have the faith of his grandpa. I was moved to tears. What a special weekend. So indeed the past month has been one of great ups and downs.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
