Life has it's ups and downs

I have been relearning that life indeed has it's ups and downs. Starting January 16th, Joanne, my youngest daughter Michelle, my mother & myself spent a week in Cabo, Mexico. It was so nice to be where the temperature was 80 instead of 8. The pain in my liver virtually disappeared. Following the doctors orders I swam or walked the beach at least half an hour daily. I felt so good that my hardest job was to rest and not to overdo things.

The hardest part of each day was deciding where to eat dinner. Even tacos with habenaro pepper sauce didn't slow me down. I could almost imagine life without cancer.

We chose not to spend a lot of time doing the tourist things. One of the main purposes of our trip was to destress. Mother, who is close to 80 had never been anywhere like Mexico. She just wanted to be out of the cold. She spent a lot of time reading. Jo & Michelle wanted to tan and get in shape while I tried to stay in the shade and relax. The chemo makes me more sensitive to the sun so I had to be careful. I probably looked funny in my wide hat, long sleeve shirt and swimming suit with glistening skin from the sun screen.

My most memorable experiences involved being on the same boat. We went on a dinner cruise around Lands End which is the southern most part of the Baja. A beautiful sunset on the Pacific Ocean awaited us. I was so grateful to God for being able to see. Two days later we were on a lunch cruise and watched a gray whale not a hundred feet from the boat. Later a pod of dolphins entertained us for a least 5 minutes. The Lord has blessed the earth with such amazing creatures.

Eventually experiences like these come to an end. We returned to reality and the cold. Like the cold the fatigue and the pain also returned. I am not sure why they returned with such a vengeance. I suspect that I probably pushed things too hard in spite of my best efforts not to. The mile high altitude, the cold and the dreary days probably all added to what happened next.

I was certainly reminded that I still have cancer. I believe that the Essiac Tea has helped me get to the point that I am at but my body still has much healing to go through. Mentally things became very tough. Although my faith in the Lord and in his plan for me remain unshaken it was hard not to be scared with the pain now constant and increasing. The bone tired weariness also had to be dealt with. Now that I was back in Vernal I had to deal with the stresses of life as well as facing more chemo treatments.

We are told to cast our burdens on the Lord. True to His word He has helped me with this one. Through priesthood blessings and the prayers and faith of others I have start feeling stronger. The pain and fatigue has decreased. I have been trying to continue my exercise through swimming. I have noticed that I am slowly increasing in my swimming pace.

I now know that I have to listen more closely to my body and do what it says. That may mean resting when I would rather be doing something else. I can also tell when I am eating the proper or the wrong types of foods. Negative emotions always are followed by an increase in pain. Conversely positive emotions help control the pain.

I have my last chemo for this set on 2/12/2010. The following week will be the scans and doctor visits. After that I don't know what I'll do. So far the treatments have probably helped slow or shrink the cancers. Eventually the treatments will stop working. That is why the doctors originally said that I probably had around 8 months to a year to live. To beat this disease I will need to find other solutions than those offered by medical science. I am anxious to try some other things. I cannot as long as I am on chemo due to the fact that I have a damaged liver as well as it can only detox or handle so much.

I do know that one of the reasons that I needed to continue with the chemo treatments was that I needed to interact with people in the infusion room. I have had several opportunities to share my faith in God and His loving kindness. I always try to let my new friends know that God is leading me in this trial.

I did have a great blessing this past Saturday. I was able to baptize my grandson Dallin into the LDS Church. The great big grin on his face after the baptism was one of the great rewards of my life. I had to rest for the next part of the day but it was worth it. On Sunday Dallin's father confirmed him and gave him the Gift of the Holy Ghost. During that blessing his father blessed Dallin to have the faith of his grandpa. I was moved to tears. What a special weekend. So indeed the past month has been one of great ups and downs.