More Blessings & Learning Opportunities

2/22/2010
This past week I again have been the recipient of many blessings. I am constantly amazed at the loving kindness of our Heavenly Father. Last Sunday I had a long talk on the phone with a dear friend of mine. She is going through a painful divorce. She had called to cheer me up and I in turn tried to comfort her. As a single mother with 4 children, 2 jobs and going to school she has a full plate. Now she is getting kicked out of her home because her ex has not kept his word. I thought that there are worse things than death. My situation seems far less scary than what she faces. I have so many people praying for me from around this country that I told her that she can cry on my shoulder. My family & I are being supported by those prayers and I feel like I have strength to spare for someone who is hurting.

I have been able to enjoy some walks that were cold even if the sun was shining. After such a dreary winter being outside in the sun certainly warms the soul. On Wednesday I had the strength to have a good swimming session. I even saw a friend from work and commented on how I was ready to move on now that I was stronger. That evening I went to share the gospel with some neighbors. The Spirit was there in abundance and life was good.

There are times that His loving kindness may involve one in learning experiences. One may even have to eat some humble pie. Having eaten humble pie many times, I have learned that it may be bitter going down, but that the aftertaste can be sweet. Now that I have been blessed with more energy I am able to spend time trying to learn more about cancer and the options that I have available to me. As I mentioned last week I was prepared to enter phase 3 of my battle with cancer. I felt that the time had come to no longer receive chemo and to follow "A Cancer Battle Plan".

Thursday I rode the 'Cancer Van' to Salt Lake to go through my scans. I felt confident that the tumors had shrunk significantly. I knew that I was still dealing with cancer as I often felt pain in my liver. I still ran out of energy & "hit the wall", but I was confident. I did have some trouble with the PET scan. To prepare for the PET one goes fasting for at least 6 hours. An hour before the scan radioactive glucose is injected. Cancer cells love sugar and suck up the glucose. During that time l had to sit quietly so that my muscles didn't absorb the glucose.

It was during this quiet time that I started feeling significant pain in the center of my chest. The doctor came and determined that I was having an esophageal spasm and not heart problems. The scan takes an hour while I lay very still. During that time my legs started to spasm and I started to feel claustrophobic. I prayed and was calmed. The tech remarked on how much healthier I looked than when I had my first scan in October. I had a CT scan right after that which involves drink a contrast milkshake. Usually I get sick and constipated but this time all went fine.

Friday I was pumped and ready for battle or so I thought. Jo, my sister, and I met with my medical team. All did not go as I had planned. I had a book but not an individual battle plan with support troops. I figured that the Lord would provide. I supposed that since I was following Him that I would receive all the necessary helps at the appropriate times. I did but not in the way I had expected. I forgot that things happen on His timetable and not mine.

First for the good news. The doctor told me that my tumors had shrunk another 25% with no new growths. He felt that this was all due to the chemo. He did feel that the Essiac tea was helping me deal with the toxicity of the chemicals. He said that 20% of patients will have shrinkage. I remember from my last visit that the nurse mentioned that the shrinkage was usually in the 5-10% range. I strongly feel that the tea is doing more good than what he thinks. He admits that as far as he knows that it hasn't been scientifically studied and he is not very knowledgeable about essiac tea. He also mentioned that while I am on chemo that I have to be very careful about what "super foods" I consume as they may interact with the chemo and kill me. Specifically he mentioned Noni juice and mangosteen. He felt that the best that I could hope for was to have cancer as a chronic condition with continuing infusions and shots for the rest of my life. My life would be in a kind of a standoff. Since my reactions to the chemo weren’t too bad that wasn't a bad outcome.

Now for the bad news. I was elated with the results of the scans. I was not prepared for my wife's reaction. She seemed to feel "if it ain’t broken why fix it." I feel strongly that since this disease affects Jo, as well as me, that any changes would always be agreed upon by both of us. My entire family and most of my closest friends felt the same way. To be honest I was devastated.

The next 24 hours were tough. Emotionally and physically I was shot. I prayed and tried to understand what had happened. I was led to understand that it was my timetable that was upset and not His. I was going through the grieving process. I felt like I had a death sentence imposed upon me. I can't explain it. I suppose that it's a side affect of cancer.

So for now I will continue on with the infusions. I will continue to learn and to prepare. Saturday I received a call from a lady who is a pancreatic cancer survivor. She may be able to teach me how to be a survivor also. I am wondering if she might be part of my support troop that I mentioned earlier. Might she be the ‘coach’ that I need to ‘lead me to victory’?

Most of the changes in lifestyle, supplements and foods that I feel that I will need to make to beat this cancer I can do while I continue on with the infusions. On the bright side there will be smaller tumors for my body to destroy and no new tumors getting started. I hope that is part of the plan and if it isn't then it will all work out for the best because it will all happen according to God's plan. After all we are all under a death sentence and isn't that why He sent us His Son!